From Mourning to Morning (Psalm 30:5b)

My muscles ache from weeping. My eyes are drowning. The tears carve little paths of sorrow on my face like raindrops on a misty windowpane - finding the course of least resistance. I groan from within with grief too profound for words. I tremble when I write. It hurts to pray. Long nights turn mourning to morning and back to mourning again. Will this get easier? Will we uncover the course of least resistance? I don’t know.

I am so sick of past-tense. She was. She did. She had. She loved. A prisoner caged in memories good and bad. How can you miss someone so fast? Scarcely gone, but scarily missed. It’s such an odd sensation. Where is death’s sting? I looked it in the eyes. Where is death’s victory? I knelt by it. It’s so effortless to cry out pages of Scripture. It’s far more difficult to sieve out all the nonsense I’ve been taught to get down to the truth. Does death have a sting? Yes, it does. Does it have victory? In a way it does. Am I mad at God? Of course I’m not. At the time, when we were praying for His mercy, I felt more alone, more deserted, than I ever have felt in my life. Looking back, though, He was there all along holding me up – holding us up. He was already turning mourning to morning.

I’m not going to tell “the story.” I don’t want to remember it. I do, but I don’t. The memory is fading. There are parts that I don’t want to forget. There are parts I can’t bear to retain. God is merciful in that respect. He has begun to repair my recollection. Memory is a bizarre thing. It hits me when I least expect it. A sucker-punch to the gut when I pass by a gift-given, a place visited, or something I know would make her laugh. She use to call and I would try for an hour to get off the phone. Now I’d give anything to hear her talk, laugh, cry, sneeze, anything at all. I wish I could see her standing at the window while I watered the tomatoes. I wish I could smell the smoke of her cigarettes as I walk up her driveway. If only I could taste her incredible apple pie, or have one more bite of her spaghetti. Then, perhaps, this mourning would be just another morning.

I know God has a plan. Somehow, this has all played into His design. No detail was left to chance. Layer upon layer I see Him moving. His mighty hand was directing me through the events; I was a hostage to His will. There is no one I would rather be enslaved to than the One who knows what is best for me. But, I must admit, it’s rather confusing. In all that has happened, the Bible says, that it was all for my good. It was all God’s mercy - even the terrible part that I call, “the story”. The story of when one simple morning turned to mourning.

I despise clichés. But I know she’s in a better place. Not because that’s “what you say”, but because I truly believe it. I believe it like I believe the sun will rise tomorrow despite the clouds. In fact, the strength of the sun can burn away the most stubborn of clouds to reveal the clearest of skies. And though the clouds are thick right now, because He is sovereign, I know that the clouds not only have a silver lining, but are silver all the way through. And I know that the power of the Son will burn away all the clouds, and turn this mourning into morning. (Psalm 30:5b)

To Susie: my teacher, my friend, my second mother. You will be missed.

Books I Read - Part Two

I love to read! There are few things that I enjoy as much as sitting down with a good book and melding my brain with it. A few months ago I decided that I would occasionally blog about the books I've been reading. So here we are again! I've read several books since my last "Books I Read" post, but here are the highlights:

1. J.I. Packer. Knowing God Oh man! This book is phenomenal! I highly recommend this one. This one is gonna take you a while. It's a slow and sometimes difficult read, but it is well worth the effort. Packer unpacks the attributes of God in this excellent book of theology.

2. J. Mack Stiles. Marks of the Messenger: Knowing, Living and Speaking the Gospel This is a great book on what the Gospel is and how to evangelize without being a heretic. I actually sent this guy an email telling him how great a book it is, and he responded within the hour. He was flying over Turkey on his way to the mission field. Great book. Read it!

3. Joshua Harris. Dug Down Deep: Unearthing What I Believe and Why it Matters Another great book. This is a theology book for those who don't want to get bogged down in the theological jargon and the technical aspects, but still want a basic foundation of theology. Harris is humorous and entertaining in this book.

4. A.W. Pink. The Sovereignty of God This book will blow your mind. I recommend that every Christian read this book, but go ahead and plan on it taking you a couple of months to finish it. It starts off pretty innocent, but by the time you're delving into 'double predestination' then you may have to stop every couple of sentences to let it sink in. It's tough. But it's good. I know of no other theologian that tackles the subject of sovereignty as thoroughly as Pink.

5. J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone I know, I know. This is way off from my usual books, but hear me out. Every now and then I have to fill my mind with trash. Sometimes one needs to veg out on some literary garbage so the mind can rest. Now, with that being said... I actually kind of enjoy this book (currently still reading). I have one friend who is so adamantly against anything Harry Potter (because of the sorcery and witchcraft) that I became curious. I have another friend who loves the Potter books and recommended them. Both of them are good Christian folk. So I figured... "Well, I'm not likely to start performing witchcraft because of a children's book I read... so I think I'll give it a try." So I started reading it. I'm taking my time, but I must admit... it's entertaining. I love the character development and the plot line. It's really pretty good. Give it a try. You probably won't start doing meth and robbing gas stations because you read it... at least I hope you won't!!

Reading The Bible Is Hard!!

Let's face it. Reading the bible is hard. We have good intentions when we set out to read the Bible in a year, but honestly, how often do we finish? After a couple of months you hit Leviticus and you get bogged down. So, you let up on your reading, then the next thing you know you're watching Scooby Doo instead of doing your reading. I recently learned a method of Bible study that has worked well for me and I thought I'd share it. I learned this method from listening to Pastor Matt Chandler of The Village Church*. What I'm going to present here are simple guidelines for successful Bible reading.

Okay, let's get started! You're gonna need a few things. As I go through the list I'll try to explain the what, how, and what-for for all the items.

1. You need time and a place -
For me, I work best at night in the spare bedroom. Interruptions can be a problem, so I try to schedule my time for when everyone else is asleep. It doesn't really matter when or where. Just be consistent and work in an area that is comfortable for you.

2. You need a Bible -
This is a no-brainer. Let me give you a little bit of info on the various translations out there. There are so many versions that one can easily be confused about which one to use. There are basically three types of Bibles: word-for-word, thought-for-thought, and paraphrase. For simple Bible reading it really doesn't matter what you use. But, if you're going to do any serious Bible studying I recommend a word-for-word translation. Some examples of word for word are the NASB, KJV, and the ESV. If you're old school then you may like the KJV. I don't. We just don't talk like that anymore. How many times have you heard the word 'wert' today? Not much I would presume. The NASB is a good translation. It is hard to grasp sometimes, though. Don't believe me? Try reading Hebrews in a NASB. It'll blow your mind! It tends to be wooden and darn near unreadable at times. That's why I use the ESV. The ESV is word-for-word translation. They made it far more readable than the NASB, but still kept it close to the original languages. I suggest getting the ESV Study Bible. It is a monster of a bible. It's freaking huge, but it is awesome!! I love it. It's not one you want to haul around much, but for a good study Bible it can't be beat. The maps are amazing and so are the notes. It is a must-have for any serious Bible reader.

3. You need a pen and a highlighter -
Sometimes when you're reading the Bible a verse or passage will pop out at you. What do you think causes that? Or, perhaps I should say, who do you think causes that? It's the Holy Spirit, dum-dum! When that happens God is trying to tell you something. Highlight those verses. We'll come back to them later.

4. You need a reading plan -
This will help you keep on track with your reading. I started running everyday a couple of months ago, but I really didn't have any specific plan or goal. I no longer run. I believe that if you set out with a goal and a plan you'll be more likely to see it to the end. I think trying to read the Bible every year is a great goal to have, but realistically I think it's better to not make it a race. I suggest only reading two or three chapters a day. You will not finish the Bible in a year by doing that, but you're less likely to burn out. If you have a learning disability or poor reading comprehension you may read less. You may only read a verse a day. It really doesn't matter. This isn't a race.

5. You need a journal -
Now guys, I know you're gonna balk on me here, but please hear me out. I'm not telling you to keep a diary (although I don't think there is anything wrong with diaries). The primary purpose of this journal is to keep a record of the things you're learning from the Lord. I'll explain how to utilize the journal in a moment.

6. You need a planner -
Anytime you try to do something pleasing to the Lord, like getting in His word and learning His will, then the Enemy will come at you with all he's got! You'll sit down to read then suddenly you'll remember that you didn't take out the trash. Or you'll think, "I really need to trim those hedges." When that happens, write it in your planner. You can take care of it later. That way your mind can go back to the task at hand.

Okay, so let's put this all together to see how it works. First, I say a prayer. Something simple like, "Holy Spirit, please illuminate this text for me." Then I begin reading. As I read I highlight any verses that pop out to me. Once I'm finished reading I go back over the verses I've highlighted. If more than one verse pops out then I pray over them and choose the one I feel lead to choose.

Now I'm going to ask you to do something absolutely radical. Something so outlandishly crazy that you may shut down your computer and walk away... Write down the verse in your journal... I know, I know, writing sucks. In these days of computers and iPhones I can promise you this: your hand is gonna hurt. Don't worry, you'll get use to it. After you write out the verse then think about it. Write your observations down in your journal. Don't worry about spelling, punctuation or grammar. Just get your ideas down in your journal.

After this, we move into application. Ask, "How do I apply this to my life?" Be specific. If you read 'Do not lie.' Then don't be like, "Oh yeah, I probably shouldn't lie." Everyone knows that! Instead maybe you should say, "I really should quit cheating on my taxes. That's lying... and stealing!"

Once you write out your application you should go to the Lord in prayer. I recommend you spend a lot of time in prayer this time around. Focus on God's love. Praise Him! Thank Him! I would consider writing your prayer out in your journal. That helps me concentrate on what I'm saying and provides me with a record of my concerns during that season in my life.

When you first start out don't try to study for an hour. At first you may need to do 10 or 20 minutes. Give yourself room to grow! Eventually, the goal should be about 20 minutes of reading, 20 minutes of writing in your journal, and 20 minutes of prayer. That gives you a solid hour with the Lord everyday. You'll be amazed at how much you mature as a Christian and how close your relationship with the Lord will progress if you try this method out. Don't think of these as rules. Think of them as guides to growing in the Lord.

Before you start arguing saying, "I don't have an hour to spend reading the Bible! I just don't have time!" Let me tell you this... Lean close and listen to me... You're lying. We have all been given twenty-four hours. You have the same amount of time that I have. You may work more hours, but I assure you there is an hour somewhere in your day that you can get quiet and let the Lord speak to you through His word. Just do it!! You will not be disappointed! I promise.

*If you're interested in hearing the seminar by Pastor Matt Chandler then listen here: http://bit.ly/alFfL5 He is much more entertaining than I am!

Books I Read

A pastor I admire keeps a blog that shows every book that he reads. He makes short comments on each book. I thought I'd do the same thing since I read a lot. I'm not doing this to show off how many books I read or anything like that. I'm mainly doing this so I can keep up with what books I've read and if I liked them or not. I'm going to start with the books that I've read this month and take it from there.

January
1. John MacArthur. Alone With God: Rediscovering the Power & Passion of Prayer. This is a great study on the power of prayer. John MacArthur's books can be a hard read sometimes, but this one isn't too tough.

2. Francis Chan. Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit. This easy read can be quite convicting at times. I highly recommend this book for folks who don't read much, but are interested in learning more about the Holy Spirit.

3. John MacArthur. Twelve Ordinary Men. Great book about the twelve disciples. I loved this book. It's very interesting learning about the lives, and deaths, of these great men (not counting Judas Iscariot, of course).

4. A.W. Tozer. Man, the Dwelling Place of God. Tozer. . . Need I say more? Outstanding book.

5. Calvin Miller. Preaching: The Art of Narrative Exposition. I'm currently reading this one. It is a great book on the narrative aspects of expository preaching. Anyone that's interesting in preaching should read this wonderful book. It really breaks down all aspects of homiletics (Ignore all the anti-Calvinism remarks).